a few jokes i have heard at work recently

aethefox

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Snow White has been disqualified from disneys X Factor. She was found sitting on Pinnocchios face singing, ''tell me lies tell me sweet little lies''
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women are impossible to please

A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

'That's nice', she thinks, 'but I want more.'

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex and have money.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited
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*text deleted*FOR SALE*text deleted*

A complete set of encyclopaedias (45 volumes)

Excellent condition £1000.00 ONO

No longer need. Just got married, wife knows everything!!
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A fella fancies a girl in his office but she has a boyfriend, he approaches her anyway and offers her £100 if she would have sex with him.
"i'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down and i'll be finished by the time you pick it up!
the girl consults her boyfriend and he advises her to make it £200 and pick it up real fast, he wont have a chance!

half an hour later he calls her and asks whats going on? she fumes- the *text deleted**text deleted**text deleted** used coins
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A man enters a confessional, and says to the Irish Priest, "Father, ithas been one month since my last confession, and I've sinned with FannieGreen every week for the last month."
The Priest tells the sinner, "You are forgiven. Go out and say three''Hail Mary's."
Soon, another man enters the confessional."Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I have sinned
with Fannie Green twice a week for the last two months."
This time the Priest asks, "Who is this Fannie Green?"
"A new woman in the neighbourhood," the sinner replies.
"Very well," says the Priest. "Go and say ten 'Hail Mary's '."
The next morning in church, the Priest is preparing to deliver hissermon, when a gorgeous, tall woman enters the church. All the men'seyes fall upon her as she slowly sashays up the aisle, and sits down infront of the Altar. Her dress is green and very short, with matchingshiny emerald green shoes. The Priest and altar boy gasp as the womansits down with her legs slightly spread apart, Sharon Stone-style.
The Priest turns to the altar boy and asks in a whisper, "Is that FannieGreen?"
The altar boy replies ................. "No Father, I think it's justthe reflection off her shoes"
 

stewie

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lmfao thats gr8 i love the husband store f8ckin quality:praise:
stewie
 

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