Action Upon Encountering A Snake

R. M. Pitt

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Stolen from militaryforums.co.uk :rock:



ACTION UPON ENCOUNTERING A SNAKE

Infantry : Tracks snake through undergrowth with blow pipe (requiring mods). Snake smells them and leaves the area.

Airborne : Lands on and kills the snake. Tabs to the objective.

Armour : Runs over the snake, laughs and looks for more snakes.

Cavalry : Treats snake with haughty disdain as it has no impact on primary objective - to hold London at all costs.

Commando : Plays with snake, gets naked together and then eats it.

Combat Engineer : Studies snake. Prepares tactical doctrine for the fixing of the snake using counter-mobility assets and the defeat of the snake using mobility assets. No one listens. Snake falls in the hole.

Artillery : Kills the snake with a massive time-on-target barrage. Mission is a success and all participants are awarded medals for valour.

SF : Makes contact with the snake, ignores all Foreign Office directives and Theatre Commander ROE by building rapport with snake and winning its heart and mind. Trains it to kill other snakes. Files enormous expenses claim on return.

Navy : Fires missiles from various types of ships, kills snake and makes presentation to MOD Select Committee on how Naval forces are the most cost effective means of anti-snake operations.

TA : Kills snake by accident while out for the weekend.

Air : Gets GPS co-ordinates for snake. Can't find snake. Returns to base to refuel, crew rest and manicure.

Aviation : Unable to locate snake; snakes don't show well on infra-red.

Int Corps : Snake? What snake? Only 4 of the 35 indicators of snake presence are currently active. Assess the potential for snake activity as Low.

General Support (Construction) Engineers : Build pub. Gut and stuff the snake. Mount over bar. Name pub "Snake Pit".

RE Mil Svy : Study snake's skin for tactical manoeuvre implications and render results into 3D model. Snake then considered useless and is fed through printing press with a dropped spanner.

REME : Files GEMS suggestion for improved mobility system for reptile family which allows snakes to move 3mph faster but requires 43 strong LAD in support.

Submariner : Loiters for 6 months in maritime choke point waiting for snake to swim past. On completion, leaves the area to restock, dragging 30% of the local fishing fleet with it.
 

Chris

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Hahaha a few of those put a big smile on my face, good find!
 

BradfordBulls

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Commando : Plays with snake, gets naked together and then eats it.
^Now thats what im talking about!
 

Touchstone

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Yeah I read something what to do when encountering IED's....
 

Sam1

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TA : Kills snake by accident while out for the weekend.

hahaha freekin amazin!!
 
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