Hello there, Not joining the RM, but Guards, however this place seems sufficiently mature to deal with topic, while certain others are..... ....rather crass. However I have some concerns about the medical. This might be a bit long, forgive me, as the most important factor in determining my life's career, I feel the need to give as much info as possible, a TL;DR will be in the second post. I'll start by saying I wish to gain a commission, and that I am aware that the standards for officers are higher than for other ranks, as well they should be, I have great affinity for simulated command, and I hope this will prove to translate into atleast a small amount of ability. I have gender dysphoria, this in itself is not an issue, see the women in combat roles thread, but it is why it's taken me so long to begin a "transition"* (Duty before self etc.) I do however have some associated conditions, mainly symptoms of this particular one, and I have done for some time, more than a year, namely, "depression" and "anxiety", I'd like for you to understand my condition as follows, someone has disfigured the lower part of your face, cut off your genitals, replaced them with a spider/insect/exwifes face/whatever you find most repugnant in the world, turned your family against you, constantly referred to you as *text deleted*, injected you with a drug that causes you to feel physical pain of 3/10 constantly, posted porn of you on the internet which has gone viral, and convinced half the world that you're a pedophile, and to wear a sign in a language that 1/3 of the world can read that has irrefutable although false evidence that you are infact the child rapist half the earth believes you to be, also they've made you feel guilt of the tiniest doubt about if this is your fault, furthermore you have to wait an indeterminate amount of time, before anyone will even talk to you about improving the situation, and demand that you submit yourself to a trial and to pay for it yourself. and on that understanding you're about just over half way to feeling what it's like being trans(gendered*). I am susceptible to exaggerate, I assure you, however, this is not such a time, people spit in my food, scream at me, sexually objectify me, refuse to give me services on behalf of their employers (often on behalf of H.M.'s government), my family have abandoned me, I get referred to as something I'm not, by a name that isn't mine, slurred, I'm afraid to go out incase I get attacked (again)*text deleted*, have people motivated to rape me because they want to or because "that's what a woman's job is and I better get f*text deleted**ing used to it", I see the police more often than I see any postman, I get thrown out of bathrooms, refused rape crisis services, homelessness assistance, have people tell me it's because of my actions, and I don't have to fight for every little thing, but because I have to fight more often, it makes fighting that much harder, all over this misfortune, I did not want, encourage or ask for. and this is covering only this year, and none of is based on what has happened on the internet (although most of it does). Under such circumstances, I'd like to think such a set of issues might be forgiven, given of course that they are indeed temporary, and symptomatic of the dysphoria, and not indicative of my general personality/genetic disposition, should it prove to be then frankly if I can't look after myself why should I be trusted with the welfare of others, one cannot give what one does not possess. From my point of view, biased admittedly, it's all rather simple, I have nothing to base my self-respect on except a future career which may be in danger, transitioning changes that, this is a difficult situation, and getting through it unscathed is frankly, impossible in my experience and of those known to me, I am not interested in playing the blame game, it is what it is for better or worse, but I am interested in finding a way forward and not having my fate based on a chemical imbalance in my pre-natal environment, in short, I want some damn agency. Now, I won't claim my situation is anywhere near the scale or horror of actual conflict, but I submit, the two are inequitable, it is one thing to fact the worst of the world, quite another to face half of it upto and including people trying to cause you bodily harm, when you feel so trapped in it. My point is, I doubt that my failures to keep on top of this for 22+ years reflects my ability to face death keep up training, preform under combat pressure, suffer privation, power through loss in order to prevent more, anticipate the movements of the enemy, instruct my charges, keep our people safe, attempt and with luck succeed to inspire others to benefit their morale, or otherwise carry-out the duties expected of a junior officer of Her Majesties Forces, while they are participating in a conflict or otherwise, once I'm not resembling and treated like a bloody boy. And I'm sure as hell not going to go Wako and kill everyone the first time I get my hands on an automatic weapon, if I want to kill myself, I'll slit my wrists so I have time to re-think my decision, and if I do shoot myself I'll resign so I don't dishonour the service and not use any weapon issued to me. Frankly I'd like to think this reflects well on my ability to stay sane after protracted periods of critical stress, even if I haven't been fully functional for two years now, the army will kick me out 20-30 years from when I join, if I even stay that long, a repeat performance should be sufficient. *Technically I don't hold any water with the whole, gender thing, but that's really besides the point. *text deleted*I take the motto: "I cannot fear, for I shall not falter." so the fighting doesn't scare me, or the odds, or my mortality, it's more the repercussions of what happen after, i.e. manslaughter charges/injury and it's affect on my life and ability to effect my duties.