Chav Jokes

Satch

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As there's been a lot of chav-bashing going on I thought I'd start a thread for people to post jokes about them for the amusement of all. Here's a few to start:

2 chavs jump off a cliff. Who wins?

Society.


2 chavs go off a cliff in a nova. Why is this a shame?

A nova can seat 4!


What do you say to a chav in a suit?

Would the defendant please stand.


What do you call a chav in a white tracksuit?

The Bride.


What's the difference between a chavette and the Grand Old Duke of York?

The Grand Old Duke of York only had 10 000 men...


How do you stop a chav from drowning?

Take your foot of their head.

Will try and think of some more...
 

rusty92

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ill add a few more for you mate!..


What do chavs use as protection during sex?

A bus shelter!


How many chavs does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, they’ll screw anything



What do you call 100 chavs at the bottom of a river?

A start


What do you call a chav with 9 GCSE's?
A liar



What's the difference between a Chav and a coconut?

One's thick and hairy, the other's a coconut



What's the first question at a Chav quiz night?

What you lookin' at?"


ENJOY :laugh::laugh:
 

Taylor

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Just copied some of a site, but there are some good ones aswell as ones already said ( I cant be bothered to take them out) :notes:

1. What do you call a Chav in a box?
Innit.

2. What do you call a Chav in a filing cabinet?
Sorted

3. What do you call a Chav in a box with a lock on it?
Safe.

4. What do you call an Eskimo Chav?
Innuinnit.

5. Why are Chavs like slinkies?
They have no real use but it's great to watch one fall down a flight of
stairs.

6. What do you call a Chavette in a white tracksuit?
The bride.

7. You're in your car and you see a Chav on a bike, why should you try
not to hit him?
It might be your bike.

8. What's the difference between a Chav and a coconut?
One's thick and hairy, the other's a coconut.

9. What's the first question at a Chav quiz night?
What you lookin' at?"

10. How do you get 100 Chavs into a phone box?
Paint three stripes on it.

11. Two Chavs in a car without any music. Who's driving?
The police

12. What do you call a chav with 9 GCSE's?
A liar.

13. What do you say to a chav with a job?
Can I have a big mac please

14. What do you say to a chav in a suit?
Will the defendant please stand

15. What do u call a knife in chav-ville?
Exhibit A

16. Why is 3 chavs going over a cliff in a Nova a shame?
A Nova seats 4

17. What do you call a 30 year old chavette?
Granny.

18. How many chavs does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, they'll screw anything.

19. What do you call 100 chavs at the bottom of a river?
A start.

20. How many chavs does it take to clean a floor?
None, "That's some uvver bleeders job innit."

21. Why did the chav take a shower?
He didn't mean to, he just forgot to close the Nova's window in the carwash

22. Why did the Chav cross the road?
To start a fight with a random stranger for no reason whatsoever.

23. What do you call a Chav at college?
The cleaner.

24. A bus full of Chavs were driving through Wales. As they were approaching Llanfgogogferrinfourasoch they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one Chav asked the blonde employee, "Before we order,
could you settle an argument for us?
Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?"
The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said,
"Burrrrrrrr-gerrrrrrr-Kiiiiing."

25. Two chavs jump off beachy head, who wins?
Society
 

rusty92

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Dont you just love taking the *text deleted* out of chavs eh!.. :laugh:
 

chelseafc

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1.My chav cousin came round this morning.
Shame. If I'd hit him harder he'd still be out cold.

2.Where does a female chav go to lose weight?
The abortion clinic.

3.Why doesn't Viagra work on chavs?
*text deleted* they only get hard when they've got ten mates behind them.

4.What's the most confusing day of the year for a chav?
Fathers Day!

5.What's the difference between roadkill and a dead chav?
Roadkill has skid marks in front of it!

6.What do you call a female chav with two brain cells?
Pregnant.

7.Why are chavs like sperm?
Only one in a million actually works.

8.What do you call a chav in a tastfully decorated house?
A burglar.

9.What's the difference between a battery and a chav?
A battery has a positive side.

10.Why is it a shame to see 4 chavs going over the edge of a cliff in a nova?
There's always room in the boot.

11.How does a Chav girl start her day?
Wakes up, puts on her clothes and goes home.

12.How do you start an argument with a chav?
Speak!

13.How do you make a chav run faster?
Put a DVD player under his arm.

14.What did the chav girls left thigh say to her right?
Nothing, they've never met!

15.I looked out the back this morning and my chav neighbour was chucking stuff over the fence - garden furniture, chairs, tables, flowerpots. I wouldn't have minded but he was in MY garden!

16.I got up this morning and the chav's house opposite was on fire. So I did what's best - I dialed 999 and told them there's a fire the other side of town.

17.Whats a chav's favourite car?
One without an alarm.

18.How do you know when a Chav has been in your backgarden?
Your Bikes gone and your Dogs Pregnant.
 

Taylor

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*text deleted*

Think i better go change noww haha:flushed:
 

ZZ

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What do you call a chav with half a brain cell?
Gifted

Q: a thick chav, a smart chav and a law abiding chav jumped off a building. Which one hit the floor first?

A: the thick chav, the other two don't exist
 

blocky

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i actually know a chav who is REALLLLY smart he has got like 5 A*'s in his gcses and rest A's and hes really good a sport aswell and gets loads of pussy =[ so unfair
 
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1.My chav cousin came round this morning.
Shame. If I'd hit him harder he'd still be out cold.

2.Where does a female chav go to lose weight?
The abortion clinic.

3.Why doesn't Viagra work on chavs?
*text deleted* they only get hard when they've got ten mates behind them.

4.What's the most confusing day of the year for a chav?
Fathers Day!

5.What's the difference between roadkill and a dead chav?
Roadkill has skid marks in front of it!

6.What do you call a female chav with two brain cells?
Pregnant.

7.Why are chavs like sperm?
Only one in a million actually works.

8.What do you call a chav in a tastfully decorated house?
A burglar.

9.What's the difference between a battery and a chav?
A battery has a positive side.

10.Why is it a shame to see 4 chavs going over the edge of a cliff in a nova?
There's always room in the boot.

11.How does a Chav girl start her day?
Wakes up, puts on her clothes and goes home.

12.How do you start an argument with a chav?
Speak!

13.How do you make a chav run faster?
Put a DVD player under his arm.

14.What did the chav girls left thigh say to her right?
Nothing, they've never met!

15.I looked out the back this morning and my chav neighbour was chucking stuff over the fence - garden furniture, chairs, tables, flowerpots. I wouldn't have minded but he was in MY garden!

16.I got up this morning and the chav's house opposite was on fire. So I did what's best - I dialed 999 and told them there's a fire the other side of town.

17.Whats a chav's favourite car?
One without an alarm.

18.How do you know when a Chav has been in your backgarden?
Your Bikes gone and your Dogs Pregnant.

hahah these are great! i might have to steal a few!
im reading them at work and people are looking at me like im weird *text deleted* i keeping laughing to myself :amuse:
 

ross90rmc

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What do you call a chav in a tastefully decorated house?

A Burglar
 

jamie55

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i actually know a chav who is REALLLLY smart he has got like 5 A*'s in his gcses and rest A's and hes really good a sport aswell and gets loads of *text deleted**text deleted** =[ so unfair
sorry mate, but consult
'What do you call a chav with 9 GCSE's?
A liar'

jamie
 

SandTiger

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Why did the chav cross the road?
To start on the chicken for no apparent reason.

Two chavs jump off a building who lands first?
Who even cares?

What does a chav get for christmas?
Your bike.

What do you do if you run over a chav?
Reverse just to make sure he is dead.

What do you do if you shoot a chav?
Reload.

Whats the difference between an onion and a dying chav?
Onions make you cry.

How does a chav girl turn the lights off after sex?
She closes the car door.

What have chav girls got in common with tortoises?
When they're on their backs, they're *text deleted**text deleted*ed.

How do chavs like their orange juice?
Stolen from Tescos.
 

Seal

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A message to all chavs out there......

Return the computer and hand yourselves in.
 
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