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Fighting unit survival guide

Discussion in 'General Royal Marines Joining Chit Chat' started by ave!, Nov 4, 2016.

  1. ave!

    ave! Royal Marines Commando

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    DISCLAIMER: May contain high velocity opinions. If offended wash your eyes in gyspy tears and carry on with your life. None of the 'advice' in this guide is official. Just a couple of lads trying to be helpful.

    Intro.
    Well done , you have just passed out. You are now a death dealing , black eyed , over endowed , chick slaying , man hating god of a man. However. Where you are going everyone has that exclusive bit of headwear. To civvies its a big thing but to us it isn't as much. You have simply gotten past the bouncer on the door. You are about to enter the dirty nightclub. Now let us try and guide you away from getting yourself pinned down and grinded on by the big fat man on the dance floor fella. Welcome to the Fighting Unit survival guide ..

    ( Black Hell by Danzig plays )

    The Company

    Lets take a look at the ... characters ... you will be showering with. The officers we can sketch over for now and I may revisit in a later addition depending on whether pusser imprison me for life for having the balls to do this. Right. Your Sgt Major runs the roost. Its a small town and there isn't enough room for you to piss him off. Pay him respect at all time and hopefully you avoid becoming a store man. Your troop sergeant may be a tad pusser when you first arrive so treat him as a mini Sgt Major until he becomes friendlier. We all agree that the Cpls are an absolute far cry from how they are in training. They are sound now. Introduce yourself of course and make them a wet. They will certainly be friendly. Add biscuits to that wet and youll be all set.

    The Lads.....

    This is what everyone worries about. The new kid in the playground. You will have lads who are probably just as new as you. You will have lads who have served 8 or more years. You will have lads who will love to tell you they have done that so much compared to you and some who wont. See my point? You will be sharing rooms with them and could be put on a sprog routine of making wets for everyone. Who knows. Individual experiences vary. Top tips from our experience. If one of the cool kids shouts your name as you are walking away from a group etc.. Don't react unless they say 'gen'

    For example

    You are walking back to the grots after a hard day of moving boxes from one room to another and back. The clique of cool kids were all talking *text deleted* and hear one of them shout your name. You turn around and walk back being a good young marine thinking that something else needs doing or someone wants a chat. Nobody acknowledges your existence. You walk away again confused as to what you have done wrong. Everyone is laughing at you. What is going on? You my friend have just been 'caught on a bite'

    So , if someone shouts your name without saying 'gen' ( Smithy gen! ) just carry on walking unemotional. Obviously disregard that if someone with a rank above Lcpl shouts you.

    Don't put your eyebrows on anything. Ever. Period. Don't 'Gen' anything either. Slipperly tongued lads may try and talk you into it. Don't do it.

    If someone shouts 'Feet' then get those little size 5s off the floor as fast a humanly possible.

    Unless you love terrible tattoos don't play shithead for tats either. There is no way out of loosing that game.

    Don't be surprised if someone asks for a contribution to a 'troop fund'. Relax. You are not being robbed. That's for troop activites... yes... you know what I mean.

    For the first week you may be dragged ashore to get to know the lads. Do it , could be a good way to make friends. However , don't feel like you have to do it every week if you don't want to. None of us think not boozing all the time is a bad thing. Some lads may think less of you but more fool them. You are not a doormat.

    FSG. Stay away from these guys. Like that dark unwelcoming area in the lion king avoid them. Don't be tricked into entering their grots either. Just stay away from these guys unless they approach you.



    That's the first bit. I'm off on weekenders. Let me know if you like it and i'll write more.
     
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  2. ThreadpigeonsAlpha

    ThreadpigeonsAlpha Royal Marines Commando

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    For the love of god, stay away from Mortars too...

    What has been seen, can not be unseen.....
     
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  3. Chelonian

    Chelonian Moderator

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    The culture and lifestyle of Mortars personnel would appear to be universally disturbing. :)
     
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  4. 260714

    260714 Royal Marines Commando

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    Zzzzz boring. My advice would be don't let anyone talk to you any differently just because they've been on a 3 week course learning how to use a GPMG or because they're trying to vent their anger at how the tanks branch is so dead end. You can go to an FSG straight out of training, they're just another troop in the company.

    However, I'd have to agree with the mortars comment
     
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  5. Rover

    Rover Moderator

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    “The Wandering Eye See’s; and, having viewed,
    Moves on: nor all thy Piety nor visions
    Shall lure it back to cancel half a frame,
    Nor all thy Tears wash out a sight of it.”


    Apologies to Omar Khayyam.-doctor-
     
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  6. ThreadpigeonsAlpha

    ThreadpigeonsAlpha Royal Marines Commando

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    It's probably an out of date comment, FSG used to be full of experienced lads, I had nothing but good things to say about the lads I always got on with them and they were always sound when I was a sprog.

    That being said, the original post was designed to be humorous.... Have a laugh lofty!
     
  7. 260714

    260714 Royal Marines Commando

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    Agreed that it used to be full of experienced lads but nowadays the experienced lads tend to be those that just quietly get on with their jobs whereas it seems those who have been out of the box 3 years or less feel the need to live up to an old FSG reputation
     
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    Last edited: Nov 5, 2016
  8. DutyWretch

    DutyWretch Royal Marines Commando

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    FSG are pretty handy when you're in the middle of an open field in a 360 contact trying to lie as flat as possible whilst attempting to dig in with your front teeth...(excuse the dits)


    Nothing says force equaliser like a base line of WMIKs rocking up and going full retard with grenade machine guns, .50 cal and javelins.

    Except God (AH64 Apache) of course.

    Mad mental mortars are pretty handy too, and aslong as you can down your issued pint of swamp like a boss, you'll be all good as far as they're concerned.

    Best advice for sprogs is to; close mouth, open ears, and do exactly what you're told to do when your told to do it (short of sucking anyone off)

    That said, sprog routine and bullying are not the same thing. The line is often blurred..

    If anyone's giving you an unnecessarily hard time, you need to nip it in the bud early, don't go off immediately but have a quiet word with that individual or your section commander and make it clear you're new, and keen, but not going to get taken for a James Blunt.
     
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  9. DutyWretch

    DutyWretch Royal Marines Commando

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    That's always been the case, two or three year bootneck tryhards, attempting to keep 'traditions' alive by getting round lads straight out of the box and turning every run ashore into a joining run.


    I remember after my 'welcome party' at FPG (at the time infamous for its horrendous reception commitees) chatting to a SNCO a few days later, who had stumbled across the events.

    He'd been in the corps since the late 80s and was asking wtf was going on?

    I'd said it was normal? And had been a lot worse in his day?

    I remember him just saying no, it was nothing like that, in his day they just went ashore and had a good drink, maybe got the new guys to stand on a table and spin their life story or whatever.

    Although it was a lot more 'brutal' if noobs drills weren't squared away or your phys wasn't up to standard

    All that gash has been made up in the last 15-20 years by bored lads on camp trying to emulate the old sweats.
     
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  10. The guide

    The guide Royal Marines Commando

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    Or if you like dressing up..go and see the signals guys , they always have something smooth and silky..and sexy-vomit-... tucked away that you can relax in your grot in.!!
     
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  11. Sausage

    Sausage New Member

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    what about recce troop and the ml's????
     
  12. Chelonian

    Chelonian Moderator

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    Meanwhile, at an Army barracks somewhere, newly joined ranks to the Royal Logistics Corps are getting their joining brief from a steely-eyed deliverer of mail:

    "Listen up lads. First rule of Postal and Courier Unit..."
     
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  13. ave!

    ave! Royal Marines Commando

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    ENTRY NUMBER TWO.

    Authors note: Clearly the 'Fighting unit survival guide' is an internet phenomenon. Encouraging lively debate and pushing up sales of gypsy tears. So lets dive in again with entry number two. Once again individual experiences may vary..

    Royal Marines 'gaining a specialisation' simulator.

    That's right guys and now girls. From the comfort of your home you can now experience exactly how it feels to try and get your preference of specialisation in the Royal Marines. Remember that we are now a 'corps of specialists' providing an organic green force of unbeatable might to the government fat cats to never use.

    Are you ready?

    All you need to do is stand up and locate your nearest wall. Brick is preferable.

    Now place both your hands on the wall.

    Now head butt the wall until you become unconscious.

    Repeat every time you think about getting on a snipes acquaint or dare I say.. medical assistant!

    In all seriousness though , you will be asked when you arrive what you want to do and that you should put it on JPA as soon as possible. This doesn't mean anything with happen though. The key is 'pestering'

    PESTERING

    Not a dirty word. If you want to do something you are going to have to pick up a phone and ring spec advisors. Then leave answer phone messages asking for info when nobody picks up. Then emailing them after you hear nothing back. You have 15-18 months before pusser gives you a bite of the *text deleted* sandwich. Namely , a job as a storeman/clerk/signaller. However , you will be competing with people who are using their DSS rights to get their favourite job. So if you dream of being a sniper or an ML then you'd be best advised to DSS yourself. Try and DSS yourself at unit and all the lads will consider you a war dodging , Gerry loving , wimpy coward. Lets face it. The lads in the fighting unit resemble school playground cliques. Once you have a reputation it sticks forever. So nobody is ever going to stand up and say 'Yes I volunteer as tribute... I mean for DSS' because everyone wants to be seen as loving the soldiering life.

    So you pester. You get into contact with the spec advisor for your favourite one and pester like an adolescent teenage boy trying to plug into the fit girl who teases you online. You try to contact the mythical GD spec advisor and avoid a 'ping' (Good luck trying to find that man.. Second in the world championship of hide and seek behind Ozzie Laden)

    Hopefully that will work for you. As a handy reference we will now list specs below and give you a realistic comment on the likelihood of getting in without DSS.. Info is as current as possible based on hearsay , rumour and lads around us getting...drafts...

    Drives - Easy , one of the DSS choices
    ASG - Hanging out for blokes apparently , due to them going on every overseas exercise going.
    Combat Intelligence - Pester and you should get somewhere .. we know a lad who did without DSS and got onto a course
    ML - Apparently entry is frozen until 2019. That's *text deleted* be one long list there....
    HW - Loads of people put in for this. You get to become the biggest baddest lads in the Coy!
    MP - Prepare for some hatred if it comes out you *text deleted* do this. But its a small branch so could take a while
    MA - I met an 80 year old marine who was wtill waiting for this to come through the other day
    PTI - You need a banana on your chest to get on this.. That means DSS....
    AE - Hoofin ( not biased ) Pester and you should get it as every troop has them attached
    LC - Hanging out like ASG. Curious how the specs that go on every major exercise need men the most.
    PW - Another spec that gets you into FSG. So very popular.. Long waiting list
    VM - Just go and have a chat with the unit vms and ask to do some work experience. Not that popular so you'll get it with pestering..

    There is a school of thought that if you just want to do a job.. say medic.. just join the pongos or navy and do that job. You can always push to do the all arms. Loads of lads get pinged to do a DSS to get what they want. If the job is more important than the beret. Do the job.

    Gypsy tears can be purchased from me direct. Message for details..
     
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  14. DutyWretch

    DutyWretch Royal Marines Commando

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    K3's not seen.

    Also being civi scum now I can say that I wished I'd gone signals, instead of dodging every turd baguette winged at me, and staying GD for 5 years.

    Sigs opens doors for some pretty well paid work when you get outside especially when coupled with rope access tickets or offshore certs.
     
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  15. Illustrious

    Illustrious Royal Marines Commando - Moderator

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    K3s has gone the way of the dodo. It's a nonexistent branch now. There are still chefs about but they aren't accepting new intakes.

    To further add info to that list, MA won't take you if you've been in a non DSS role. Even then, the waiting list is 3 years.

    MP has a waiting list twice the size of the entire branch.

    Stores branch is actually full, despite being a DSS branch.
     
  16. ThreadpigeonsAlpha

    ThreadpigeonsAlpha Royal Marines Commando

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    They can't make their minds up! First it was GD, then no GD and everyone can bring something to the party, then it went back to GD and now it's back to specialists?
     
  17. arny01

    arny01 Ex Pongo.

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    An extremely interesting and valued read!! especially as a Dad to newly lidded sprog! I must say the welcome he's had at his new unit, has been awesome! lads have been keen to get him out on the lash! he takes care of the "sweats" tea needs, and looks after the kitchen! but in fairness he's been made more than welcome!!
     
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  18. Caversham

    Caversham Former RM Commando, Moderator

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    That's really good to hear @arny01, especially after all the bad press that has been going around. He's obviously taken on board the advice about eyes and ears open and mouth shut......except to ask "how many sugars!"

    Alan
     
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  19. cc1

    cc1 (former RM)

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    ML's? Mega Losers! Swan round camp in Gucci boots, sponsored by Rab and bore you to death talking about knots and cliff grades.
     
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  20. telemark

    telemark Member

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    A bit disheartening to read as someone who hopes to go medical assistant :/

    What do DSS & FSG mean?