Funniest/worst dates

JamieC

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Right then let's have all your funniest or worst dates and have a laugh at each others' expense.
Personally I don't really have any, the best I can do is I met up with a girl at a pub the other day, it was all going well and we were having a nice chat for 20 minutes until I noticed the pool table. Didn't really speak to her much after that :embarrest:
 

JMC

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Went out for dinner with a girl once.

I ordered the mixed grill (pub dinner date v casual).

Half way through my meal she looked a bit stressed so I asked her what was up.

Turns out she was a vegan "on principle" and was distressed at the number of dead animals on my plate. Lets just say that didn't go beyond date 1.
 

Ross154

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Went out for dinner with a girl once.

I ordered the mixed grill (pub dinner date v casual).

Half way through my meal she looked a bit stressed so I asked her what was up.

Turns out she was a vegan "on principle" and was distressed at the number of dead animals on my plate. Lets just say that didn't go beyond date 1.
You should've said you're a carnivore "on principal" and acted distressed at the number of dead plants on her plate.
 
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stokey_14

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Not so much a date but I once went to town with a girl I was trying to get with, we got drunk together had a great time, she then saw her ex so we decided to leave as she hated him/ knew he?d start trouble.

Fair enough, as we left he approached us and swiftly got told where to go by my self, bit of handbags later he walked off in a huff. I looked around to see where the girl I was out with was only to find her in the bus station across the way getting first aid.

She?d hit her ex right in the mouth snapped two of his teeth and split her hand wide open in the process. 6 hours sitting in A&E finishing with her being nicked and spending the next day in a cell.

Good night. We?re still mates but I decided to give anything more a miss as I?m rather fond of my two front teeth.

Stokey
 

JamieC

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Not so much a date but I once went to town with a girl I was trying to get with, we got drunk together had a great time, she then saw her ex so we decided to leave as she hated him/ knew he?d start trouble.

Fair enough, as we left he approached us and swiftly got told where to go by my self, bit of handbags later he walked off in a huff. I looked around to see where the girl I was out with was only to find her in the bus station across the way getting first aid.

She?d hit her ex right in the mouth snapped two of his teeth and split her hand wide open in the process. 6 hours sitting in A&E finishing with her being nicked and spending the next day in a cell.

Good night. We?re still mates but I decided to give anything more a miss as I?m rather fond of my two front teeth.

Stokey
Bit of fight in her then haha.

Just remembered another; I went down to Liverpool to see a girl I knew down there, just a friend but I wouldn't have turned her down. When I got there she was with a very good looking friend, and we went to Costa for lunch. I got a meatball panini, sat down with them both, bit into one end of my panini and two meatballs fell out of the other end, rolled all the way down my top, down my jeans and across the floor, leaving a nice trail of tomato sauce almost as red as my face.
 

JMC

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You should've said you're a carnivore "on principal" and acted distressed at the number of dead plants on her plate.
Well it was at this time when the whole myriad of vegetrain jokes popped into my head the likes of:

" . . . . Q: how do you like your bacon sir? A: Squealing as it goes in the pan"

" . . . . .Why does vegan cheese taste so bad? It hasn't been tested on mice"

". . . . . . What does a vegan zombie eat? GRRRAAAIIINNNS"

Discalimer: Not intended to offend any vegans or those who don't eat flesh
 

JamieC

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'If it's so wrong to eat animals then why are they made out of meat?'
 

Harvs

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Well, I was with this girl once, everything was going fine until she tripped and knocked herself un-concious. She then proceeded to blame me when she woke up and breaking it off with me. :dontaskme:
 

ross90rmc

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Well, I was with this girl once, everything was going fine until she tripped and knocked herself un-concious. She then proceeded to blame me when she woke up and breaking it off with me. :dontaskme:
Tripped and knocked herself unconscious......riiiigggghhhtttt


Don't worry mate we've all been close before
 

DecaMarine

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Well, I was with this girl once, everything was going fine until she tripped and knocked herself un-concious. She then proceeded to blame me when she woke up and breaking it off with me. :dontaskme:
She must of seen the Ro-hipnol go into her drink :idea:
 

MacheteMeetsBiscuit

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Not really a 'date' but it's the best I can do:

A mate was going out with his GF and her clingy mate in October. I was invited to distract the 'c-block' for a bit so they could get busy.
I was sober and, ugliness-wise, this girl was 2nd only to one I got with in a club a few weeks ago. The feeling was clearly mutual because the 1st thing she said about me was "eurghh he's like a teenage Paddy Doherty" :embarrest:
Cue the 4 of us walking round the streets for 3 hours (turns out his parents were in), she just texted and we said about 3 words all night. :flushed:
 

JMW123

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Not really a date but anyways, I was walking home some bird i met in town, she seemed interested so i thought i'd be a gent, wasn't to drunk, fair few Guinness's as you do. So i was walking down the road looking down at the ground, then suddenly, SMASH.

I walked straight into a lamp post.

Not seen her since.
 

westy

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Smashed out my face, I ended up taking a 42 year old woman home!!

Started doing the business, felt a bit sick!! I ended up throwing up all over her bathroom!! Made my excuses and left!!

I may of even ate her cat!! I can't remember!!
 

Wilke

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Smashed out my face, I ended up taking a 42 year old woman home!!

Started doing the business, felt a bit sick!! I ended up throwing up all over her bathroom!! Made my excuses and left!!

I may of even ate her cat!! I can't remember!!
Haha, the british version of 'The Reader' !
 

richie86

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Mod edit: Can we keep this clean and respectable please, Wives, girlfriends and mothers use this site!
 

RMC WATKINS

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Mod edit: Can we keep this clean and respectable please, Wives, girlfriends and mothers use this site!
Classy Bloke ha ha
 

damo

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I once managed to get a date with a ballet dancer, needless to say she was an absolute stunner. So I thought id have to raise my game. Wine and dine type thing... halfway through the mains its going well, she's smiling and I'm thinking about how her legs would probably go behind her head. I take a sip of wine and put it down....unbeknown to me, on the tip of my knife, picked the knife up and the wine tipped towards her and went all over her dress.
Didn't really turn out as bad as is thought it would. We've been together for over a year!
WHEY!
 

richie86

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ooops i just got told off, sorry if i offended anyone. probably not the best topic of conversation really!! nevermind
 

Anon.

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These are highly amusing :bigsmile:

Best I've got wasn't really a date but was out on a christmas work do with all my colleagues, was sat next to a hot girl I work with, thought I would try my luck.

About half way into the night got a bit of drink down us things were going well I was thinking yeah may be in with a chance here, all of a sudden a little downing drinking game began, and someone thought it would be funny to pour me some wine and tell me to down that, I necked it, no problem, she was laughing so I'll take it.

My supervisor then came over with a glass and said 'here have some water' I necked it again, only to then realise by the shock on everyones face that it was another full glass of white wine, I just couldnt really taste it because of the glass before, I felt the chunder coming so put the wine glass to my mouth to try and catch it in there. It was projectile. It shot out bouncing off of the bottom of the wine glass, back up into my face and hair, and splurting all over about 6 of the people I work with. I tried so hard not to get any over the girl I was trying it with, and succeeded. Still never had any contact with her since outside of the workplace though. Never going to live that one down.
 
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