Gooduns!

Sam1

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What do you do if your dishwasher stops working?????


SLAP HER!
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Amy winehouse bumped into jeremy clarkson at a bar, they got talking and then amy winehouse said to jeremy clarkson..."What do you do then?" so clarkson replied..."top gear". then Amy winehouse said...."How much for an ounce?"
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NEW MCDONALDS BURGER!!
Presenting the Glitter burger... 60 year old meat...in 12 year old buns!!


:)
 

Geryon

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duuude, that last one was nasty, so let me match it :laugh:

What's the best thing about *text deleted*ing 22 year olds? There's 20 of them.
 

hughbrown

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yawn...

oh peter wats up with *text deleted* avatar?
 

Geryon

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They are some communists having a part - communist party.
 

hughbrown

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Ahh I see,
Thank you master.
I cant reali see it that well *text deleted*
 

Sam1

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HAHA peter thats quite twisted *text deleted*

Just rememeberd another two *text deleted*.....

How many times do you need to tell your wife with two black eyes to do the dishes????

non, shes already been told twice.



How can you tell your wife is dead???

Sex is the same but dishes are piling up!

I'm not sexist *text deleted*, just have alot of sexist jokes *text deleted*.
 

Rob 1984

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HAHA peter thats quite twisted *text deleted*

Just rememeberd another two *text deleted*.....

How many times do you need to tell your wife with two black eyes to do the dishes????

non, shes already been told twice.



How can you tell your wife is dead???

Sex is the same but dishes are piling up!

I'm not sexist *text deleted*, just have alot of sexist jokes *text deleted*.

just sent those to my girlfriend, thats some funny sh*t.

(not sexist either)
 

Death-Oar-Glory

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What do you call a woman with one black eye?

A fast learner.


For a sick joke:

Why do you put a baby feet first into a blender?

So you can come in it's face.

What's the first thing you do when a dead baby washes up on a beach?

Try and hide your erection.

Little Jonny walks into the kitchen and says to his mum 'Mum, mum, Grandma's got a prawn!' Jonny's mum says 'What? what do you mean?' So jonny grabes her by the hand and leads her to the living room, where mum sees Jonny's grandma asleep on the sofa naked. Jonny points between his grandmas legs and says 'look, a prawn', and jonny's mum says 'jonny, that... that's not a prawn. That's your grandmas clitoris...'

Jonny looks confused for a second then says...





















'Hmmm. Tasted of prawn.'
 

Rob 1984

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For a sick joke:

Why do you put a baby feet first into a blender?

So you can come in it's face.

What's the first thing you do when a dead baby washes up on a beach?

Try and hide your erection.




thats a bit too sick mate :cry:
















'Hmmm. Tasted of prawn.'[/QUOTE]
 

NDC_OSPREY

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What is pink, stiff and makes women cry?



Cot Death :nuts:
 

Geryon

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I've never felt dirty from laughing at a joke before....
 

hughbrown

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Dirty Jokes


Whats pink and stiff?
the baby in my cellar

Whats Green and runny
Same baby in 3 months..


You want more??
 

Nacnud

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Really sick.

What is blue and doesn't fit?
A. A dead epileptic.

Q. What's red and sits in the corner?
A. A baby chewing on a razor blade.

Q. What's small, brown and spits?
A. A baby in a frying pan.

Q. What's the difference between a truck load of sand and a truck load of dead babies?
A. You can't unload the sand with a pitch fork.

Q. What's the difference between a 67' Chevy and a pile of dead babies?
A. I don't have a 67' Chevy in my garage.

Q. What's more fun that nailing a baby to the wall?
A. Ripping it off again.

Q. What's the best thing about *text deleted**text deleted*ing a two year old?
A. Your *text deleted**text deleted* looks MASSIVE in photos.

Q. How do you make a three year old cry twice?
A. Wipe your bloody cock on its favourite teddy.

A guy goes to the pub, and says to his friend "You won't believe what happened. I was taking a short cut along the railway track, and I found a girl tied to it. I untied her, and then we had sex over and over again, all the positions, everything.

His friend replies, "That's great: did you get a blow job?"

Oh, no: I never found her head.






What's 18 inches long and makes women scream all night?

Crib death.




Where do you find a dog with no legs?

Right where you left it.





What has two legs and bleeds profusely?

Half a cat.





What's red and orange and looks good on hippies?

Fire.




Harry answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor.
The doctor says: "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."

Harry says, "My God. What's the good news?"

The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead."




Michael Jackson and his wife are in the recovery room with their new baby son. The doctor walks in and Michael asks: "Doctor, how long before we can have sex?" The doctor replies, "I'd wait until he's at least 14."





Two guys are walking down the street and see a dog on the lawn, licking his balls.

One guy says to the other, "Man, I sure wish I could do that".

The other guy says, "Don't you think you ought to pet him first?"








There was a cruise ship that ended up sinking just off the coast of a small deserted island.There where only 3 survivors: 2 guys and a girl. They lived there for a couple of years doing what was natural for men and women.

After several years of casual sex all the time, the girl felt really bad about what she had been doing. She felt having sex with both guys was so bad that she killed herself.

It was very tragic but the two guys managed to get through it and after a while nature once more took it's inevitable course.

Well, a couple more years went by and the guys began to feel absolutely horrible about what they were doing. So...

They buried her.





Q: How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?

A: One, but you have to throw it really hard.




Q. What's worse than ten dead babies in a barrel?

A. One dead baby in ten barrels.



Q: Why did the baby cross the road?

A: It was stapled to the chicken.




Q: Why did the Koala fall out of the tree?

A: Because it was dead.




Q: Why did the baby fall out of the tree?

A: Because it was stapled to the koala.




Q: Why did the tree fall over?

A: The koala never let go.




Q: Why did the kangaroo die?

A: Because the koala landed on it.




What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs hanging on the wall?

Art.



What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a boiling pot?

Stu.



What do you call a girl with no arms and no legs hammered into a piece of wood?

Peg.





How do you get a goth out of a tree?

Cut the rope.




Q: Why do women wear makeup and perfume?


A: Because they're ugly and they stink.
 
C

critchmufc

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What do you call a woman with one black eye?

A fast learner.


For a sick joke:

Why do you put a baby feet first into a blender?

So you can come in it's face.

What's the first thing you do when a dead baby washes up on a beach?

Try and hide your erection.

Little Jonny walks into the kitchen and says to his mum 'Mum, mum, Grandma's got a prawn!' Jonny's mum says 'What? what do you mean?' So jonny grabes her by the hand and leads her to the living room, where mum sees Jonny's grandma asleep on the sofa naked. Jonny points between his grandmas legs and says 'look, a prawn', and jonny's mum says 'jonny, that... that's not a prawn. That's your grandmas clitoris...'

Jonny looks confused for a second then says...





















'Hmmm. Tasted of prawn.'

these 3 have gon ebeyond funny now, there not funny, there just sick
 

Sam1

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HAHA i *text deleted* send them to my friends but i thinkk they would dis-own me :(

keep them coming!! lmfao!
 

AdmiralAwesome

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Judging by those jokes, Nacnud sounds like the type who'll have a necklace of Taliban ears...
 
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critchmufc

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thats wer he needs to go...children arnt safe around the streets with him lurking about
 
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