Help! Can you be a father and be in the marines?

[georgi]

I'm due a baby in August and the father wants to join the Royal Marines. How often would he be home and how much time would he get to spend with his daughter? I'm being told he would be away 6 months at a time then home for 2months or 90 days and then gone for 6 months again but he says this isn't true he would be home alot more than that... what is the truth?

 

[Ninja_Stoker]

Hello Georgi & welcome to the site.

Many marines have children & many live in married accommodation adjacent to the RM base, coming "home" 3 evenings out of 4 when they complete training & are not deployed.

Everyone gets 6 weeks leave per year plus 8 bank holidays.

On average he will get 2 weeks each at Xmas, Summer & Easter, but not always on specific dates.

After training, unless you are deployed away from your unit or on exercise, you can theoretically go home 3 weekend out of 4 when in the UK.

You can realistically expect to deploy for up to 6 months overseas, every 12 months on average in the current climate. Obviously different specialisations & trades may be required to deploy more often if there are manpower shortages.

If this is your first child as a couple, we would normally recommend he waits 6 months or more until after the birth to be sure that you can cope - hopefully in the company of supportive friends & family, before he begins training.

Good luck to all 3 of you!

 

[georgi]

Thank you for your reply. I live in Southampton - Eastleigh and I don't want to move, we aren't married and I'm 21, hes 26. I rang the enquiry line and was told that information and it really upset me because I don't see how our daughter would no who her dad was if he kept disappearing when shes so young. If I wasn't living with him and didn't move to where he ends up being based how often would he beable to come and visit? Where are the bases in the UK? Do you get to choose which base you go to?

 

[Matt B]

Thats a really sad story.
The Bases are in Taunton, Plymouth and Arbroath (Scotland).
You pretty much get your first choice but that may not be the case if there are massive shortages elsewhere.
If you lived further than convenient commuting distance you could see him most weekends, and sometimes that can include Friday. And of course the leave that Ninja mentioned.
I completely agree with what you say about your child not growing to recognise her Dad, especially in the early stages where a baby learns so rapidly.

 

[georgi]

So if he could be bothered to come home weekends he could? it would be his choice? because the guy I spoke to said he would be sent away 6 months then home 2 months then sent away 6 months again as if he would never be around. Im so confused and scared =[

 

[Matt B]

After a 6 month tour you would not be sent away again for another 6 month tour in so little time as 2 months. He would get almost all his weekends off to do as he pleased but you would have to remember he will have made a lot of very good friends that he will grow a strong bond with that no doubt he will want to see at weekends away from camp.
Your best bet is to try to move as close to the camp as possible so he can come home most nights and go back in the morning.

I live next to a young marine who lives with his wife. and I see him all the time and he is home most evenings. I live 40 mins away form 40 Cdo Taunton.

 

[georgi]

I don't want to move away from my family though, I'm 21 and expecting a baby its the last thing I want to do. I'm so scared.

 

[Ninja_Stoker]

To be honest, until you've had the baby and got used to having your entire world tuned upside-down by something so small, it's best not to worry unduly as he hasn't joined yet.

Once you have re-adjusted you can then both make a realistic evaluation of whether or not you can manage & he can get home often enough. As the baby is due imminently it's certainly something I'd advise him to put on the "back-burner" until your family life re-stabilises.

You will always hear of people claiming they've spent so much time away but generally if you need to be home when you're not overseas, you can get home- but it's not so easy if you're in training.

 

[Matt B]

You live about 2 hours 20 mins from 40 Cdo so in theory he could also come home some week nights. Are you aware though that during his 32 weeks training he wont have much time at all to come home.

 

[georgi]

What time off does he get during training? I don't have a say in it, its his dream and there is no changing his mind. I respect that its his dream and I dont want to make him change it but I dont see why I should have to move or why I should be left to bring up our daughter on my own. He says it would be like a normal job after training where he could be home at weekends. If he could come home most weekends and spend time with us I'd be happy.

 

[Matt B]

Ninja can tell you more about time off in training but he will have a weekend off after 3-4 weeks, then about 3 or 4 whole weekends off until he passes out.

Being a Marine can be a 9 to 5 job with a set routine. But then one day it can all change. He won't necessarily be given much notice for anything like weeks away, weekend training etc, such is the nature of a marine, ready for anything and being able to adapt to instant change.

Unfortunately he will have little to no control over how things pan out for him.

 

[Seedytucker]

It should be noted too that although the training is technically 32 weeks the average for a recruit is in the low 50s due to back trooping, injuries etc.
Georgi, you sound as though you've just found out that this is what he wants to do, as such remember firstly there's selection to go through and also try looking at some of the navy websites esp those for wifes/partners.
My girlfiend reacted in a very similar way to you when i told her but after checking some forums etc and getting a bit more info, this potentially massive change to our lifestyle and relationship isn't quite as scary as it originaly seemed.
That being said your family has to be priority and i'm sure he won't want to just off and train around the birth of your first child. Not to mention of course that selection takes a-a-a-a-a-ages (mine's looking like 7 months or so now) so i'd be suprised even if he applied today he'd be into recruit training before the year's out.
if you pop into your local AFCO they can give you a schedule for the training showing all the weekends off

 

[georgi]

I no I must sound selfish. Are most marines single with no children or something? I just want to no that he will see his daughter and that she will no who he is. I've got it into my head I'm going to be a single mum bringing her up on my own whilst hes off living his dream popping back when he wishes too.

 

[georgi]

Does your girlfriend use the internet? Msn or anything? What sites did she go on? I can't seem to find any that say anything that cheers me up *text deleted* people just keep telling me things that are scarying me =[ Yes I have only recently found out that he wants to join and I think its selfish and unfair to only tell me after me being pregnant.

 

[Seedytucker]

It's not selfish of you- there are two people in the relationship which means you get half the say (in theory anyway the mrs gets most of the say with me...)
try these i just pulled them off google, can't find the forum lauren (my GF) has been looking at but i'll post it here later this eve when i get home.
http://www.royalmarines.mod.uk/server/show/nav.6928
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20071214041544AAoJ9sq&show=7
Maybe he's just panicking about being a father? not saying he is but it seems odd timing. recruit training and selection are pretty tough, it wouldn't be worth doing if you could get the green beret easily so don't worry too much, he's going to have to work bl*text deleted*dy hard to get through it all.

 

[georgi]

I dont get any say, hes said noone will change his mind and I think hes being selfish to want to join when our daughter is going to be so young. Can you ask your girlfriend if she will have a chat with me? thank u for the sites i'll take a look now.

 

[Seedytucker]

i've added you to the contacts thing on here and i'll get her to get in touch this eve about 6, she'll let you know the forums etc.
Desire isn't the only thing required to join successfully and as ninja_stoker kind of said the RMC aren't going to want brand new fathers joining up, i doubt they'd get through RT- be too distracted

 

[georgi]

to be honest I dont think he will be too distracted he doesn't seem to care about me, my opinion or the fact he won't see his daughter as much as he could or he would hold off for a year or two. I just wish he had joined before me falling pregnant, I feel very let down. Thanks for all your help.

 

[georgi]

Ninja when he goes to apply will they try and make him see it from my point of view and make him see its not a good time or will they just snap him up because they want marines?

 

[Matt B]

They will most definitely NOT try and snap him up if he is honest about his home situation even in times of such a low retention in the Marines.

They do not want to push someone into the Marines with his current situation.
In their eyes he is less likely to be focused and more likely to want to leave.

If he shows strong potential, they will want him, but they want him when he will be at his best.