Interview Question - Family

Discussion in 'POC Section' started by Mne-Wannabe, Jun 18, 2017.

  1. Mne-Wannabe

    Mne-Wannabe Member

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    Hello all,

    I just passed my PJFT today. I was chuffed but when I told members of my family about the good news, they were less than pleased - disappointed even. It was obvious they wanted me to fail.

    I know its because of fear - mostly of death - but its clear that they are not supportive of my application and I know I will be asked about this on my interview.

    I'm going to be blunt, how much of this should I reveal at the interview?

    Will they see this as a morale buster and deem me unsuitable? (I see it more as a challenge - Reverse Psych)

    Should I appear to be dismissive of their disapproval? (I am - I'm a grown man after all)

    Thanks in advance,

    Mne-Wannabe
    Keyboard Commando
     
  2. Chelonian

    Chelonian Well-Known Member

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    Let's consider the positives:

    You clearly understand that family support can be a significant asset for many in RT. This indicates self-awareness on your part and maturity.

    Obviously you can't compel your family to support you but the probability is that once you jump the selection hurdles and have a date for RT your family will (grudgingly at first, perhaps) be more supportive than you presently assume.

    Maybe suggest to your family that they take a look at this forum and maybe engage with the Partners & Parent sub-forum. They won't be brainwashed or subjected to propaganda. But they will get honest answers from others in exactly the same position as them.

    As for your interview, honesty and integrity count for much. Be straightforward and ask for advice. After all, an interview is a two-way street. Best of luck and let us know how you get on.
     
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  3. Ninja_Stoker

    Ninja_Stoker Careers Adviser

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    Reciprocated: All of it.

    Your careers adviser/ACLO maybe able to help all parties come to terms with your career decision. Family/Partner support or lack of it, is the make & break of many a recruit.

    Don't set yourself up for a fail.
     
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  4. Mr J

    Mr J Royal Marines Commando

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    From personal experience, my mum wasn't very supportive until I demonstrated that I genuinely wanted to become a Royal Marine and wasn't just choosing it out of lack of better alternatives. Once she'd seen how much I loved being a part of it she became much more supportive. Just my personal experience.

    Could always just keep it honest to an extent and say "my parents are obviously concerned about my safety as all parents are"?
     
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  5. MumtoRM

    MumtoRM Moderator

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    Is your mum a member here @Mr J?

    We are very supportive and most certainly not judgemental to all parents and partners of prospective nods!

    Been there, done that, got the probverbial T -Shirt
     
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  6. Mr J

    Mr J Royal Marines Commando

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    @MumtoRM - She isn't! Computers and tech aren't her strong point. Nonetheless she's supported me through it all offline, bless her.
     
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  7. MumtoRM

    MumtoRM Moderator

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    Good for her @Mr S! Value your family because they will support you like no-one else will! Get her to sign up! After all, we have a very elderly member who recently joined and is doing brilliantly @yogismum!

    If anyone can get to grips with modern technology then @yogismum can!
     
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  8. Mne-Wannabe

    Mne-Wannabe Member

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    After considering these responses, I broached the topic with the family again (individually).

    In their responses, they were just dismissive of me joining the armed forces. They didn't say anything really, they shrugged it off, their body language was cold and they seemed irritated (or perhaps agitated). @MumtoRM you are truly one of a kind, @Chelonian I don't see my mum joining this forum any time soon. :(

    @Mr J I have demonstrated my enthusiasm for the Royal Marines ever since I was old enough to start training, 16. My parents knew of my ambition long before that but I guess they just thought it was a phase.

    @Ninja_Stoker at this rate, family day at Lympstone is going to be very interesting...
     
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  9. EdV

    EdV Member

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    In my interview at POC they asked about family (mum hasn't been overly excited about me joining, though she joined the forum and started watching commando on the front line and is coming round to the idea now), and I told him that. In my debrief after failing he told me to really consider my choice to join, based on my mum not fully supporting it. He said if the decision would cause a rift in the family, would it be worth it?

    32 weeks of intense training is a long time, and if you're going home and aren't getting support from family, I can imagine it's a lonely time as well. I found the best thing to do with my mum was to be as open as I could. Tell her everything - even the bits she doesn't understand (she's still not sure what a PJFT or a PRMC or the difference between a BFT and and RMFA are) - and keep her informed on the progress, your worries, your little victories (passing the PJFT, the medical, whatever it is). It's one of the few things I'm really passionate about when I talk to people about it, and that goes a long way.

    But, like I was asked at POC, is risking relationships with your family worth going into training?
     
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  10. Chelonian

    Chelonian Well-Known Member

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    Stick with it. Continue with your training and demonstrate the Commando Ethos in your everyday life.

    By demonstrating maturity and quiet determination you may yet win them around.

    Perhaps leave the URL of this forum on a notepad where your family can see it. They may take a sneaky look and can then make up their own minds.
     
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  11. Mne-Wannabe

    Mne-Wannabe Member

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    Tough break on the interview, But this is terrifying. Like you and the rest of the lads on here, I have made too many sacrifices to have my application jeopardised because my family can't get on board.

    My answer would honestly be a resounding yes but my family circumstances are 'unique' to begin with.

    This is about all I can do but I have had over half a decade to convince them so it's not looking good.

    I would be fully prepared to start YO training without their support but the irony is that doing so would be incongruent with the Commando Ethos of Unselfishness! -banghead-

    Moreover a pass at the POC and AIB might just be the one thing that would convince them that a career in the Royal Marines is the right thing for me. It's marvellous to find out that I may not even make it that far because they do not already believe this.
     
  12. EdV

    EdV Member

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    I think being honest with them is the way forward. If that's your choice (and it would have been mine, too), you need to make it clear to them. It's happening, it's what you want, and whether or not they'll support you it's what you're going to push for. Tell them you'd really like and appreciate their support, but that even if they don't it's still what you're going to do.

    Best of luck, mate
     
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  13. doggle

    doggle Member

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    You approached your family members individually yet they couldn't give you any definitive reason as to why they were against you joining - I find that odd; surely, if they're dead set against you joining they'd give you some idea why? That must be so frustrating for you.
    Is there any one relative that you're close to that you could talk to...I don't know, maybe 'target'....for want of a better word, you know what I mean....the person that can empathise with you the best and then, perhaps, they could sway the rest of the family bit by bit?
    I really feel for you; I'd be so proud if my son wanted to join the military (and I am, as my son's in RT at the moment). I'd say follow your dream, head and heart and make them proud of you in spite of everything (having family support would be the ideal)....you'll be much the bigger person...
    That's my two penn'orth, anyway, for what it's worth. The very best of luck to you.
     
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  14. Mne-Wannabe

    Mne-Wannabe Member

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    Thanks for all the encouragement.

    @24681012 My family know that fitness is a big part of my life - I think their fear is amplified by the fact that they do believe I could make it. I just think they want me to have a less dangerous job.

    @doggle The only member of my family who was somewhat supportive of my application is now an Angel. My father was immensely proud of my decision but he was of course scared that I might die in service.

    I'll be honest in my careers discussion and I will keep the family updated on my application progress but if I have to invite a few friends down for family day so be it.
     
  15. doggle

    doggle Member

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    Mne-Wannabe, I'm so sorry. That must be hard for you.

    You'll have no end of friends queuing up to see you on Families Day! :)
     
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  16. MumtoRM

    MumtoRM Moderator

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    Do your parents realise that statistically you are more likely to die riding a bicycle in London than in the armed forces?

    Food for thought and armour for your fight!
     
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  17. DBenn01

    DBenn01 Active Member

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    I can see where you are coming from @Mne-Wannabe. In the sense that at first my better half in particular, panicked, when i told her, shes now totally supportive although dreads it. When i told my father i want to be a Royal Marines Commando he was willing to entertain it - him having served in the military before. When i didnt show that i wanted it by example of working toward it and showing results, he refused to accept my choice. The rest of my family are supportive, but my father is my best friend, and even though I'm doing it anyway, its tough the thought of doing it without him and i want to win him over.

    So as previously mentioned, they should see how you want it when you get there, proof you arent bluffing or backing down. As @Chelonian said, be determined and work toward it quietly. Thats my plan at least, ill work hard and once the results are shown ill talk to my Dad again, telling him I'm about to apply, I'm ready for the process. You should do everything you can to inform thrm of the reality of whst youre doing and not let them judge your decision based on skewed ideas of the military and the way life will be.
     
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  18. resal

    resal Member

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    Mne-wannabe, not sure if this will help but.....

    My son started rt about 10 weeks ago. Left school after gcse's which he did very well at but abondoning his original plan to do a- levels in science and then uni.

    When he told me I was disappointed, felt let down, annoyed and even angry. As he went through the whole 'joining' process and cycle I questioned every single aspect of his decision and discussed with him as many of the pros and cons as I could think of. This became a two way street, we both grew from this. I read a lot about the training, deployment and marine life. Gradually I came to realise, appreciate and understand that it was his decision and choice and he was 100pc committed to the RM.

    Now (and I have been for some time) I am very supportive of him. Proud as well at his ambition, courage and determination at this stage. Any RT will need parental support. It's a very very tough process.

    If I could hope for one thing for you it's that your family at least started to look into the details as I did and you speak with them about it. Hopefully if they read this post they can see that it's possible for them to change, as I did.

    I wish you well and hope you get the support that you deserve and need.

    Best of luck in your career.

    from a dad of very young rt.
     
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  19. Mne-Wannabe

    Mne-Wannabe Member

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    @resal I think my family sees it the same way. I have finished uni but I'm still leaving my 'professional field' in a sense for career that is fraught with danger.

    Of course I'm more likely to be killed on a busy night out than in service outside of a theatre but they'll never see it that way.:(

    I have since informed them of my interview though and they do seem to be warming up to my decision as I continue to demonstrate my enthusiasm. They are still giving me the "keep your options open" line but at least they're no longer hostile.

    Parents like @resal, @doggle and @MumtoRM are one of a kind. Lack of family support isn't going to change my mind but having that support definitely puts the mind at ease.
     
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  20. resal

    resal Member

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    Mne-wannabe, it's good to hear that your family appear to be warming slightly to the idea. Keeping them informed of everything will help I think so they feel included in the process and playing a role.

    Talk to them as much as possible about your aspirations, your concerns, their support, the pros and cons of which there are very many.

    Many concerns are borne out of lack of knowledge and understanding so you need to help yourself and familiarise and educate them just as you are learning yourself. Hopefully this will help to get you all on board.

    As mentioned in my earlier post, I did a lot of research myself into the lives of rt and Marines. Whether for good of bad I also watched CH4 Commando School and Commando: On the front line.

    I think they gave me some sort of insight at least, maybe your family could try that too.

    Best of luck.
     
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