Joke

[ste preece]

A man and womam who are employed by the RSPCA find a skunk lying on the road. It was shivering with the cold. :cry:

"Pick it up." Said the man. "And keep it warm."

"How can I keep it warm, its freezing." The woman responded.

"Tuck it inside your knickers." The man suggested.

"But what about the smell?" The woman frowned.

The man grinned at her and said: "Don't worry about that, just hold its nose."

Cheers

Steve

 

[edd91]

:mrgreen: dirty, just how jokes are best served

 

[aaronf]

*text deleted* good stuff

 

[Mackie]

How's this one:

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary.

As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"

The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to *text deleted* your brains out, and suck your tits dry."

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

 

[ste preece]

England

A school teacher asks her class of 10 year olds what their fathers do at weekends.

One of them stands up and says: "My dad works in a bar and dances around in the nude. If some one pays him enough money he takes it up the arse."

The teacher looks gobsmacked and asks the child to step outside for a quiet word.

"Does your father really do that?" She asks feeling concerened and at the same time disgusted.

"Of course not." Smiled the child. "He plays football for England but I was too embarrassed to tell everybody that." :shock:

Cheers
Steve

 

[edd91]

love it

 

[pompey606]

nice one

 

[Plummy]

A hospital inspector is inspecting the hospital as he walks into the room the hopsital inspector asks why this man is having a wa*k the nurse whos giving him the guide says: oh hes got a rare condition, where he has too much sperm and has to realease it daily they walk into the next room and he see's another nurse giving this man a blow job, the hospital inspector asks why shes giving the man a blow job the nurse replies "oh hes got the same rare condition but hes with Bupa "

 

[ste preece]

Sex, work or fun

The old Colonel, his Adjutant, and a young Lieutenant were discussing sex.
The Colonel said, “I believe that sex is about 90% work, and 10% fun.”
The Adjutant disagreed. “I’d say it’s nearer 50% work and 50% fun.”
The young Lieutenant snorted. “Maybe for you old guys, but I’d say it’s closer to 10% work and 90% fun.”
Just then the grizzled Regimental Sergeant-Major happened by, overseeing the various work parties. The Colonel called him over.
The old chief snapped to attention. “Yes, sir!”
“RSM,” said the Colonel, “we were having a disagreement here, and we were hoping you could settle it. I say that sex is about 90% work and 10% fun. The young Lieutenant here says its 10% work and 90% fun. The Adj says its fifty-fifty. What’s your opinion?”
The RSM knit his beetle brows and said, “Why, Sir, it’s obviously 100% fun.”
The Colonel asked, “And how did you arrive at that figure?”
The RSM retorted, “Because if there was any work involved you’d have my men do it for you.”

cheers

Steve

 

[lord_carl]

HAHA A good old Dig at the officers, nowt better

 

[Macca]

A little boy was in the bath with his mum, the boy says "mummy whats that hairy thing" the mum responds "erm...thats my sponge" the little boy replies "oh yeh aunty Kims got one, I saw her washing dads face with it"

 

[ste preece]

Similar

A little boy was in the bath with his mum, the boy says "mummy whats that hairy thing" the mum responds "erm...thats my sponge" the little boy replies "oh yeh aunty Kims got one, I saw her washing dads face with it"

I hear a similar one to this once, except the mum says:

"That's where your dad hit me with an axe son."

And the kid says:

"What a good shot mum, right in the *text deleted*.!! :shock:

Cheers

Steve