Royal Marines Commando
Jul 6, 2007
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... Two peanuts walk into a rather rough looking bar, not looknig for any trouble.
.... Unfortunately one was a salted.


A jumper cable walks into a bar.
The barman says "I'll serve you, but dont start anything!"


Two cannibals are eating a clowm ..
One says to the other "does this taste funny to you?"


A man walks into the psychiatrists wearing only cling film for shorts ...
The shrink says, "well, i can clearly see you're nuts!"


Veteran Contributor
Feb 5, 2008
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sailor walks into a bar..
the marine behinds him see it and ducks under


a man is driving along and breaksdown outside a Royal Marine Commando base, he walks up to the sentry and says "hello, my car has just broken down is there anyway i can come in for the night as the repair services wont come out till the morning"

To the mans amazment the sentry says yes. The man is fed a free evening meal in the officers mess and is given a a room to sleep in in the VIP block.

During the night the man is awoken by a sound coming from somewhere, he looks around and works out its coming from another building outside, not being able to work out what the sound is the man ignors it and returns to bed.

In the morning the man is leaving the camp and tells the sentry about the noise and asks what it could be. the sentry replies "im sorry i cant tell you that your not a marine"

Disapointed the man jumps in his car and goes home.

A few years later the man breaks down outside the same camp again, asks the sentry if he can stay the night and he is allowed. Again that night he heres the noise again and upon leaving the camp in the morning he asks the sentry what that noise was. he gets the reply "sorry cant tell you that your not a marine"

the man feel very frustrated upon not knowing the noises asks the sentry how he can become a marine, the sentry tells and the man goes on his way.

He then applies for the marines a week later and aces every test they throw at him then finally completes RT and earns his green beret. He then serves all around the world for 2 years then specialises in mountain leader in his 3rd.

He then remebers about the camp one day during scran and decides to go back. He walks up the the sentry proudly wearing his green beret and says "i have been a marine for nearly 3 years now and have served all around the world, now can you please tell me what that noise was?"

The sentry says "ok follow me", the sentry leads the man through a maze of corridors and finally stops at this one door made of wood. "its in there says the sentry".
The man tries the door but its locked "oh very funny wheres the key" the sentry hands the man the key and he unlocks the door to find a stone door.

The man is handed another key, unlocks the stone door and finds a metal door.

He is then handed the key for the metal door, opens it and finds a marble door.

again he is handed another key, he unlocks the door to find a zinc door.

the man then continues to open multiple doors through, bronze, silver, gold, copper and then finally be comes to another wooden door. he is handed the key for the final doorand opens it.

he steps inside and see's what has been making the sound every time he comes to the camp. But i cant tell you what it is because your not a marine.

(sorry about the essay *text deleted*)


Well-Known Member
Jan 24, 2008
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That one's good, variation of the original but still very good :D


Well-Known Member
Jan 9, 2008
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a Masked Gunman storms into sperm bank and takes the secretary hostage.

Gunman says: Take me to your sperm samples!

So the secretary proceeded with the demand!

The Gunman then ordered the secretary to take a sample and then drink it.

She proceeded.

The gunman takes off his mask and to the secretary's surprise it was her husband.

The Husband says to his wife, "That wasn't so hard was it..."
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