There was once three friends, one was called Dumb, one was called Somebody and one was called Nobody. One day Dumb ran to a policeman screaming "Help! Help! Nobody fell into a well and Somebody is trying to help him. The policeman asks "Are you dumb" and Dumb says "Yes, how do you know me?. Old childhood joke I heard at school in Spain. Pretty sure the translation kills a bit of the humor haha.
A para dies and goes to heaven. At the pearly gates he asks the ark angel if any boot necks are inside. "No," said the ark angel. "They go to hell."
The para steps inside and makes himself at home. Some time later he sees a big rugged guy, dressed in combat gear, carrying a huge bergan , wearing a green beret and yomping over a hill. He races to the gates of heaven and shouts. "Let me, out. There's a boot neck in here." "No. There isn't," said the arc angel." "Yes, over there," said the para, shaking in his boots. "No. No it isn't," grinned the arc angel. That's GOD. he just thinks he's a boot neck."
A school go on a camping trip, but as their heading down to the resort. The weather takes a bad turn for the worst so they stop off at a hotel for the night. Little Johnny goes running to the teachers room bangs on the door. Teacher get up and answer "what's up Johnny" to which he replies "I'm scared miss and when I'm scared my mum lets me sleep with her" "ooo ok Johnny come in" the thunder gets worse and Johnny is now scared to death "miss when I'm this scared my mum lets me put my finger in her bellybutton" " ooo ok Johnny, Johnny that's not my belly button" " that's not my finger miss "