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Life as a RM whilst in a relationship

Discussion in 'General Royal Marines Joining Chit Chat' started by Soap_TNDO, Oct 6, 2019.

  1. Soap_TNDO

    Soap_TNDO New Member

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    Evening,

    I have done a few searches but cant seem to find much specific information so please send me in the right direction if there are any dedicated threads.

    I've been with my girlfriend for 3 years now and she's my world, everything I could ask for. She is so supportive of my decision to sign up to the RM's and I am confident she wouldnt give me a hard time during training or even after I pass out, but the whole idea of being apart for so long without seeing eachother or contact is quite daunting.

    I'm keen to hear from people how they have dealt with it, what can be done to make it easier, whether it has been successful or not, y and also hear what its like (generally), best case scenario how often could we speak/see eachother during training and the same for once I have been assigned to a unit and got my lid? Does it stay the same or does it differ once I've passed out?

    Just looking for overall info and advice really....

    Many thanks.
     
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  2. Chelonian

    Chelonian Moderator

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    Hopefully others will chip in with suggestions based on their own experiences. One suggestion from me is to point a Partner in the direction of this forum.

    The Partner & Parent sub-forum is a v. friendly place and offers much support.
     
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  3. Ninja_Stoker

    Ninja_Stoker Admin

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    Which was first, the partner or the aspiration to become a Royal Marine?

    The reason I ask is that for those seeking the work/life balance of seeing their partner regularly and gaining a green beret without the prolonged periods of separation and sporadic comms...the RMR may well be the answer initially to see how it goes. After achieving the green beret, you may wish to transfer to the regulars.

    I've lost count of young men who have quit RM recruit training assuming they are saving their relationship...only to be bitten when they subsequently regret leaving, recriminations start flying and they eventually split from their partner anyway.

    Not advocating joining as a single person, but trying to put forward the RMR option as a viable alternative.
     
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  4. ThreadpigeonsAlpha

    ThreadpigeonsAlpha Royal Marines Commando

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    I’m going to play devils advocate here. But it ain’t always sunshine and rainbows and people change, or react differently when they find out a situation isn’t at all like they thought it would be. 3 years isn’t that long, and I’ve seen plenty of blokes give up on training because of pressure, or even leave the corps.
    You can’t make your life decision based on someone else. You need to do what’s right for you.

    And if you can’t bear to be without her while you are just training, with the ability to go home occasionally. How will you cope in an operational war zone on the other end of the planet with barely 30mins a week on a satellite phone, if you are lucky...

    It gets easier to maintain a relationship once you are out of training however the Marines is still a priority, and will dictate your life.


    Depending on your work you might want to look at RMR. However you can still get deployed and I don’t think you should put something on the backfoot just to please someone else.

    On a happier note, I do know people with families and wives that make it work. I have absolutely no idea how though.
     
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  5. Soap_TNDO

    Soap_TNDO New Member

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    Aspirations to be a Royal Marine have been in my mind for as long as I can remember.

    I have considered RMR but feel that if I’m going to do it, I’m going to do it properly and commit myself fully.

    I’d like to think I’m not one to quit after some heartache and I would like to think my partner wouldn’t expect that from me either.

    I'm trying to have multiple conversations and considerations with the Mrs so that if it’s not the right thing, I can stop before I get started however once I start training, I’m all in and hopefully we can work through it together.

    I appreciate your opinion and it’s certainly adds value to my considerations, thank you.
     
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  6. Soap_TNDO

    Soap_TNDO New Member

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    I appreciate your brutal honesty here and it does make sense.

    As I mentioned to Ninja, I don’t think my other half would make any attempts to get me to leave, shes the type to stick by me and motivate me, even if she’s struggling.

    The only consequence of this I’m concerned about is losing her as a result of it - however as you say, it’s a risk that has to be taken if I’m passionate about the RM’s.

    Similar to what you said, I have read that training is usually the hardest part and provided we get through that test, I would like to thing we’ll be able to continue for the long run.

    like I said, I don’t think RMR is an option for me as I want to commit fully and give it my all - its a lifestyle that has been on my mind since I was a kid.

    Thanks for your opinion @ThreadpigeonsAlpha its always good to hear from the devils advocate
     
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  7. Clueless!

    Clueless! New Member

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    My partner has actually been away 3 times so far this year. It’s the homecoming that makes it all worth it... But it’s something you get use to. It either works or it doesn’t. You make it what it is. But in reality, No one can really tell you how it’s going to be...
     
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  8. ThreadpigeonsAlpha

    ThreadpigeonsAlpha Royal Marines Commando

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    It’s not all doom and gloom. Lads do make it work.

    And if you get posted to a unit nearby, yo you can go home on weekend leave, and maybe even stay at home during the week if you don’t want to stay on camp, and you live within a certain distance.

    And there’s married benefits too, married quarters nearby the camp and it’s pretty cheap.


    It can work, if you are both prepared to make it work.
     
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