Partner Concerns

Discussion in 'General Royal Marines Joining Chit Chat' started by geordierussell, Jan 12, 2018.

  1. geordierussell

    geordierussell New Member

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    Hi guys,

    Not sure if this is necessarily the right section to post this in so can move it needs be. Just wanting some advice really. I'm 20 (21 in March) and a career in the Marines is something I have always wanting since being a little kid. I have a fiancé (only just got engaged Oct last year) and she has some concerns over me joining.

    We're living in Derbyshire so Lympstone is quite a distance and I think the separation is the main concern for her. Just wondering if anyone else has gone through similar? This job is everything I want, my father always tells me that his biggest regret was not joining the military so wondering how any of you have approached the subject?

    Sorry if this is waffling just wanting some opinions really and how others relationships have coped through RT etc. Cheers lads!

    Harley
     
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  2. dodgyknees

    dodgyknees Member

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    I think you've got to play the long game here. During your time at RT you will be separated from your fiance, but you will allowed home for some weekend leave and your course will coincide with a leave period of two or three weeks during which time you will be able to go home. Eight months goes really quickly and as such I do not think this is the big issue.

    The longer term consideration is that over the course of your career you will be required to move around the country dependent on postings. The two models for this are either you accept that you will spend most of your time separated from your fiance / wife and she stays living in Derbyshire while you move around the country, or you opt to remain mobile as a family and move your wife and any family that may follow into service families accommodation at the location at which you serve, considerably reducing separated service.

    Only you will know which model suits but there is no getting around the fact that you will be required to deploy on Exercise and Operations throughout your career and as such a degree of separation comes with the job.

    This may sound harsh but you cannot let a bit of separation during RT be the deciding factor on joining or not. If your relationship is solid, it will survive RT and a bit of separation may actually strengthen your relationship. My advice is follow your dreams; like your father, you will regret it if you don't.
     
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  3. wellmemedmyboy

    wellmemedmyboy Member

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    See it through
    If she doesn't want it, she will end it. If she wants to be with you and truly loves you and is not selfish, she will stay with you no matter what.
    Got broken up with over the reserves so crack on and treat yoself.... :D:D:D:D;):D:D:D:D
     
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  4. Mattys

    Mattys Member

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    Hey mate actually reminds me of my situation when I was younger!

    I went through application when I was 17(now 28) got to training but had a girlfriend and because was so used to bein with eachother was a wake up call eventually and I was so concerned of losing her or the relationship ending due to the distance and time apart I left.

    Regretted soon as I left as we split up not long after and several girlfriends later and putting them first before my dreams I’ve kept away from them during this application!.

    Lots of people do it with kids and wives and can manage it and many others can’t so leave when reality sinks in.

    It’s a personal thing and only you will know if you can manage being away but don’t throw away your dreams as you will either waste the best years of your life not going for it or leave it to late like your father has and always have the same regret he does.

    Good luck but only you can decide what’s best for you
     
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  5. geordierussell

    geordierussell New Member

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    Cheers guys really appreciate the responses!

    I think its a feeling process really as I currently work a 9-5 office job (that is hell for someone who wants a career like this) so see her every morning, evening and weekend so it will just be the initial change that might take a little getting used to. She knows how much it means to be to do this and she's always know I've wanted this career so I guess she knew what she was getting herself in for!

    I know that I couldn't live my life and bring kids up knowing as a role model that I never followed my dreams and just settled for "average" when dad could follow his dreams and be one of the elite. The thought of RT in Lympstone is what gets my through the daily grind really!

    She's trained in massage therapy so should be able to find work wherever I get posted thankfully, so that shouldn't be an issue.

    I fully understand that this career can be a selfish one but I know that for me to be my true self, live the life I'm meant to and even for our relationship to be true you have to do what makes you happy!
    Really appreciate all of the advice! Itching to get the application sent just *text deleted* make sure my PJFT times are where they need to be before I press the apply button.
     
  6. m2013

    m2013 Well-Known Member

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    It gets easier as you get used to it. But you can get married and move into sfa after training which isnt too bad
     
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  7. Chelonian

    Chelonian Well-Known Member

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    Honest conversations about individual and joint ambitions are a good idea. Once your fiancée learns more about how her life could be affected she might warm to the idea. Or she might not. But you will both be making an informed decision.

    Consider suggesting that she sign up to the Partner & Parent sub-forum here. She won't get any propaganda but will get honest advice and comment from others she can relate to; those either with a partner in RT now or recently. Best of luck.
     
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  8. geordierussell

    geordierussell New Member

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    That's a great idea, thank you very much! Will have a chat with her tonight about that as it would be a great way for her to air any concerns she has with fellow partners of Marines.

    Thanks again for all the advice!
     
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  9. Chelonian

    Chelonian Well-Known Member

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    Whatever outcome the two of you decide upon I think that she'll be impressed by the amount of advice and support available. There are girlfriends and partners—some of whom also have very young children—on the sub-forum who will be honest about the pros and cons of what is essentially a joint venture.
     
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  10. m2013

    m2013 Well-Known Member

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    I have a little un (under 1) and my coc helped me at every turn for appointments etc so it aint that bad obviously bar things like exercise courses battle camps etc.

    Although in training I'm not sure they would be as helpful
     
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  11. ave!

    ave! Royal Marines Commando

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    I would say you have to do what is right for yourself mate. You could not go for training and stay with your partner but can you live with that knowledge inside you that you could have done it and earned the green beret?

    If not , you can do what is right for you and go into training. If your partner is right for you then she will understand how important it is to you and support you. If she doesn't support you then she wasn't the one anyway.

    Without annoying otty the opsec otter , I actually left training for a reason similar to this and I deeply regretted it , when you pass out I'll spin you the full dit.

    In short , always do what is right for you and your partner will support you if she loves you
     
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  12. PotentialBootneck

    PotentialBootneck New Member

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    Snap mate! It's the same for me but I'm up in Yorkshire, I'm getting married in September too, my fiancée is supportive but she likes the idea of me being at home and as it is with you, she also hates the distance side of it! She's accepted it as I've always wanted to do it and my step dad went to join the army before the falklands and he withdrew his application because he met a woman and she didn't want him to go, and he regrets it so much. Talk to her and ask her for her support, and if she does end it with you because you want to chase a dream career then let it be, but I'd seriously talk to her and compromise, that's what I've done, we agree to stick by each other and support each other no matter what, and my fiancée has sucked it up and she's sticking by me all the way, and I couldn't be more grateful for that! Of course you'll argue and fall out over it, it's not the easiest thing for her to do. Just sit her down and have a long talk about it and come to an agreement that makes it worthwhile for both of you mate
     
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  13. PotentialBootneck

    PotentialBootneck New Member

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    Another one for myself...I'm getting married in September and it looks like RT is going to run straight through it as my application is still ongoing and I'm still waiting for my PJFT! However it is on a Saturday, so would that be negotiable for the weekend leave or would I be looking at postponing? @Ninja_Stoker, any advice?
    Cheers
     
  14. arny01

    arny01 Ex Pongo.

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    Absolutely no chance! Unless it's a scheduled long weekend, then approaching your training team to ask for a weekend off to get married will result in lots and lots of pain for you, from all directions!! :) just my guess tho.
     
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  15. dodgyknees

    dodgyknees Member

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    Got to agree with Arny01, do not plan on any weekends during term-time RT. If you are set on a wedding this summer suggest the weekends in the middle of summer block leave would be your best (and only realistic) option. These are 18 and 25 Aug 18.

    That being said, think really carefully about over committing yourself during your training period. Do not underestimate the mental and physical strain you will be going through.

    Being positive, getting married before the end of RT would make you eligible for Service Families Accommodation at your first unit if that was a consideration.
     
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  16. Chelonian

    Chelonian Well-Known Member

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    ...after they've finished laughing.
     
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  17. Chelonian

    Chelonian Well-Known Member

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    In fairness to you and your fiancée did you really want to cram your wedding day into weekend leave? :eek: Don't do half measures mate, squeeze it into a NAAFI break!

    As alluded to above by @dodgyknees it is worth considering the elevated stress of organising a wedding while in RT. Basically all of the planning will be delegated to your missus-to-be.

    If your wedding takes place while you are in Phase 2 of RT you may be liable for an Op Temperer deployment regardless of summer block leave so please consider cancellation insurance.

    Sorry if I appear negative; it's not my intention. Just throwing factors into the mix for consideration.

    PS: Congratulations!
     
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