Alright, bit of a long post but it's just a bit of a rant really to get it off my chest. I'm sure you guys starting training soon will find it helpful. Bit of info, I'm 19 years old and I joined in the summer. I don't want to specify my troop but put it this way I'd probably be in about week 22 if I were still there.
Well to put it bluntly, I was and idiot for quitting. An immature, weak-minded idiot. I wasn't thinking straight and had it in my head that it wasn't for me from the first week without giving it even the smallest of chances inside my head meaning all I thought about was when I could opt out. It's all I thought about, and I spoke about it all the time with other lads who wanted to leave. I handed in my leaving chit without thinking and now regret it strongly.
I handed in my chit the beginning of week 4. I looked at Monday's orders which were on the noticeboard Sunday night and it said "Anyone wanting to leave hand in your chit tomorrow morning." I saw this and thought right, bugger it I'm *text deleted* hand it in.
I must admit by the end of the week I had adapted to training and was actually enjoying a lot of it. It was only the fact that I was in the leaving mentality and that I handed in the chit already that I went on with leaving. I felt as if I had already left to be honest because I had convinced myself prior. The lads knew I were leaving, the training team knew I was leaving, my parents knew I was leaving and so I think I ended up feeling like I had to go on and leave.
A few days before I actually left, I spoke to the corporal and said "Corporal, I've changed my mind, I want to stay." But then the next day I told him I want to leave again. And this was how my mentality was a lot of the time. For the rest of the last days I was there I didn't know myself what I wanted to do. Now that it had finally came to officially quitting and not just thinking about it I just couldn't fully decide. I believe if I didn't of handed in the chit in the first place I would of stayed but I didn't give it time and I acted on my temporary leaving mentality instead of waiting it out. I saw the notice, and just instantly write it.
I consider myself mentally stronger now, despite leaving only around 6 months ago. Looking back at the mentality I had in training makes me feel sick from being so weak minded, particularly in the beginning. I wouldn't say I was weak towards the end of my training but just confused from my weak start. I judged my entire potential career on not being for me within the first week and was too stubborn to change my mind. I wanted to join for so long, it's all I wanted and somehow I convinced myself in the first few days that I didn't want to be a Royal Marine anymore. To be honest a positive came from leaving, I'd now like to say I wouldn't do anything like that again and that I know myself more now.
Anyway, needless to say looking back I hate myself for not giving it longer and recently I've really considered going back in. Funny enough, the moment I got back home I knew I had made a mistake. Civi life was as *text deleted**text deleted* as I left it and within the first week of being home I went to the Army careers office to sign up for the Army!! hahaha! But to be honest, if I'm off in the Army I might as well give the Marines a shot again because I know deep down it's what I'd truly want.
It's mainly the fact that if I were to join again there is no chance of leaving at all for 2 and a half years or something? This adds a lot of pressure on me. What if I got far on in training and genuinely knew it wasn't for me? But I dunno.. after all this persistence of wanting to join I'm pretty sure it is for me.
Right, thats me done. Just a rant. Feel free to ask me any questions about my minimal experience in Royal Marine training. Before you guys start training just read this and remember it. I wanted to leave more than anyone when I was in there at points, and now I'm out I want right back in!
Well to put it bluntly, I was and idiot for quitting. An immature, weak-minded idiot. I wasn't thinking straight and had it in my head that it wasn't for me from the first week without giving it even the smallest of chances inside my head meaning all I thought about was when I could opt out. It's all I thought about, and I spoke about it all the time with other lads who wanted to leave. I handed in my leaving chit without thinking and now regret it strongly.
I handed in my chit the beginning of week 4. I looked at Monday's orders which were on the noticeboard Sunday night and it said "Anyone wanting to leave hand in your chit tomorrow morning." I saw this and thought right, bugger it I'm *text deleted* hand it in.
I must admit by the end of the week I had adapted to training and was actually enjoying a lot of it. It was only the fact that I was in the leaving mentality and that I handed in the chit already that I went on with leaving. I felt as if I had already left to be honest because I had convinced myself prior. The lads knew I were leaving, the training team knew I was leaving, my parents knew I was leaving and so I think I ended up feeling like I had to go on and leave.
A few days before I actually left, I spoke to the corporal and said "Corporal, I've changed my mind, I want to stay." But then the next day I told him I want to leave again. And this was how my mentality was a lot of the time. For the rest of the last days I was there I didn't know myself what I wanted to do. Now that it had finally came to officially quitting and not just thinking about it I just couldn't fully decide. I believe if I didn't of handed in the chit in the first place I would of stayed but I didn't give it time and I acted on my temporary leaving mentality instead of waiting it out. I saw the notice, and just instantly write it.
I consider myself mentally stronger now, despite leaving only around 6 months ago. Looking back at the mentality I had in training makes me feel sick from being so weak minded, particularly in the beginning. I wouldn't say I was weak towards the end of my training but just confused from my weak start. I judged my entire potential career on not being for me within the first week and was too stubborn to change my mind. I wanted to join for so long, it's all I wanted and somehow I convinced myself in the first few days that I didn't want to be a Royal Marine anymore. To be honest a positive came from leaving, I'd now like to say I wouldn't do anything like that again and that I know myself more now.
Anyway, needless to say looking back I hate myself for not giving it longer and recently I've really considered going back in. Funny enough, the moment I got back home I knew I had made a mistake. Civi life was as *text deleted**text deleted* as I left it and within the first week of being home I went to the Army careers office to sign up for the Army!! hahaha! But to be honest, if I'm off in the Army I might as well give the Marines a shot again because I know deep down it's what I'd truly want.
It's mainly the fact that if I were to join again there is no chance of leaving at all for 2 and a half years or something? This adds a lot of pressure on me. What if I got far on in training and genuinely knew it wasn't for me? But I dunno.. after all this persistence of wanting to join I'm pretty sure it is for me.
Right, thats me done. Just a rant. Feel free to ask me any questions about my minimal experience in Royal Marine training. Before you guys start training just read this and remember it. I wanted to leave more than anyone when I was in there at points, and now I'm out I want right back in!
