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Things that make you laugh

Discussion in 'Jollies Bar' started by Ninja_Stoker, Jun 23, 2014.

  1. Chelonian

    Chelonian Moderator

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  2. DJANGO

    DJANGO Member

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    The star was all over that today! Normally like having a go at the crossword while I'm at work but today the only clues were 1. What dog got kidnapped by a seagull, and 2. What gull of the sea nicked gizmo?

    And they were the cryptic clues!
     
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  3. Chelonian

    Chelonian Moderator

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    My guess is that the owner's partner left the garden gate open and Gizmo wandered off. Apparently the dog weighed more than 3 kg.
     
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  4. DJANGO

    DJANGO Member

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    I'm inclined to agree with you, but if it is true I will feel bad for laughing at this bit: "My partner tried to grab his legs, but he was not tall enough and... the seagull flew away."
     
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  5. Chelonian

    Chelonian Moderator

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    Herring gulls (I have several gull friends) are opportunistic feeders but kill and rapidly swallow small prey such as injured sparrows before flying away. There's no shortage of easy food on the coast for gulls. A buzzard could take a small dog though.
     
  6. DJANGO

    DJANGO Member

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    I saw in the news the other day that the people in charge of those things are talking about having a gull cull because they're getting to be such a pain around the coast. Buzzards are a bigger pain round where I live though, they killed some of my mums chickens not long ago! Luckily there's an Aldi closer than the field they were in, so I never went hungry
     
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  7. Fibonarchie

    Fibonarchie Well-Known Member

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    The new PM...
     

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  8. DJANGO

    DJANGO Member

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    Who d'ya think would win a game, Bieber or BoJo?

     
  9. Rover

    Rover Moderator

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    Due to increase in aggressive Gulls other birds are now taking measure's to protect themselves....o_O

    One of the TOWER BOYS..jpg
     
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  10. Chelonian

    Chelonian Moderator

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    Will there be a popularity bounce in newborns' name registrations for Mr Johnson’s middle names?

    Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson.

    Edited to add: Just researched the pronunciation and the 'P' in de Pfeffel is apparently silent. :)
     
  11. Ninja_Stoker

    Ninja_Stoker Admin

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    ....as is the P in pswimming pool.
     
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  12. DJANGO

    DJANGO Member

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    I heard if you p in the swimming pool it changes colour
     
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  13. Ninja_Stoker

    Ninja_Stoker Admin

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    I've never put it to the test (Stoker me, well couth) but I reckon it's a myth as the chemical concentration required to effect a colour change would probably mean no-one pees in the pool but everyone gets cancer.
     
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  14. Chelonian

    Chelonian Moderator

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    Back in the day a boffin from the Department for Environment passed me a small tube of fluorescent tracing powder and warned me that if I were to tip it into the River Dart the powder was so concentrated it would turn the whole river orange as far upriver as Totnes.
    The improbable physics didn't convince me but I carefully conserved the powder. I reckon it would put on a good show in my local council's park fountain.
     
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  15. Cheezy hammy eggy

    Cheezy hammy eggy Active Member

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    I had a sneaky pee in the deep end of our local baths yesterday.
    The lifeguard blew the whistle so loud,
    I nearly fell in.
     
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  16. Omega

    Omega Member

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    Screenshot_20190624_062248.jpg
     
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  17. Chelonian

    Chelonian Moderator

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    When Mr Trump took to the stage at Turning Point USA's student summit, the president looked to be in his element, greeted by a crowd of adoring young conservatives.

    But upon closer inspection, something about the president's presentation appeared amiss. First noted by the Washington Post, the seal that was flashed on screen as Mr Trump walked on stage had several calculated tweaks - all of which seemed to poke fun at the president.


    seal.jpg

    Spot the difference. For a start the stylised, double-headed Russian eagle is carrying golf clubs. :)

    https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us...8Ud-V-PjzJ3H5ksXQnzGkOPznBmiMWC8Y_86zUJ2EcNBc
     
  18. Chelonian

    Chelonian Moderator

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    Jacob Rees-Mogg.

    I am a man of the people: Vox populi, vox Dei.
     
  19. Omega

    Omega Member

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  20. Ninja_Stoker

    Ninja_Stoker Admin

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    Screenshot_20190730_212357.jpg
     
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